Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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