Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
