Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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