Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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