Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
