I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
