I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
