So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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