Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He has the fingertips of a God
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