dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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