if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
