Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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