I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
