I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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