so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
