You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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