btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
