I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
