I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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