do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
