Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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