she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
