I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And then he peed in my hair
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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