I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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