He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
