he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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