I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
