i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
