A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
