You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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