does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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