Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
