I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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