Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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