I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
