The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
