I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
