You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
