when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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