I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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