problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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