I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
