I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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