yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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