All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
