Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
