Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
