I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
