Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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