I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
