If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
